Cell Phone Self-Portraits

It's so strange to think I'll be leaving Japan soon. Only 17 days until I'm on that plane. It's all been incredibly bittersweet. Initially everything was so exciting, and then things became routine, almost mundane. Then I made the big change to assistant language teacher and moved back to Osaka. Granted, it's been a wonderful experience, but not exactly what I needed it to be. I suppose I expected to come to some grand revelation about my life here, and that hasn't happened. I'm still as confused about life as I was before I came here. Guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles. How does that cliche breakdown for those Brits who say biscuit? Someone, please, enlighten me.

This weekend has been about books, dvds, relaxation and reflexion. Made my way through High Fidelity, TV People, Sproing!, Christopher Columbus Discovers America, the beginning of Great Expectation, Blue Velvet, Frida, Jackie Brown and Lock Stock & Two Smoking Barrels. Sounds busy, but not at all.

I can't believe monday is Halloween, and I've opted for the quiet life...so unlike me. Or maybe it's the epitome of the current state of Stephen-ness. Who can say? I certainly can't.

So much is going through my head, it's hard to compartmentalze it all to the point of cohesive narrative. Everything is so up in the air right now. I have to say, it's thrilling, and perhaps equally petrifying. What comes next? I'm so greatful that I'll be in a place where I'll have endless support and an environment of seemingly limitless options. Perhaps the only limitations I'll face will be self-imposed. Well, here's to hoping anyway.

The hardest part might be that I'm once again faced with the challenge of finding employment that's more than merely tolerable. I want a job that I can take pride in. I want a job where I can make a difference in peoples' lives (preferably working with kids), where I can maintain some sense of pride and personal identity, and actually make a living wage. Why is it so hard to find a happy medium between idealism and realism? Well, here's to trying anyway. Wish me luck. And if anyone has some constructive suggestions, words of wisdom, or friendly encouragement, please let me know.

Thanks to those who have been so incredibly supportive, whether it's quick emails, postcard, phone calls, or positive wishes . I sincerely appreciate it.

*peace*

v(^-^)v